6-Down She Goes

6

Down she goes.

Cathleen vanished.

Zachariah yelled at Mel.  “Now!  Do it now!”

Mel hurled his arm forward, forcefully and a burst of strong wind hit the shale around the troll’s feet.  The shale bounced and skipped off itself and the click clack noise it made echoed throughout the cave.  The troll suddenly became confused.

Cathleen appeared in a blur above the troll.  This time the troll wasn’t ready for her.  She stabbed downward as she dropped onto the trolls back, the blade entering the beast’s eye and exiting through the back of its massive head.

It whirled and Cathleen flew through the air crashing to the shale.  The mighty beast seemed to stumble and stagger, roaring and screaming out of instinct.  The adrenaline wore off, finally, and the rock troll crashed to the ground.

It gave a final whimper and then it was dead.

There was a short silence of contemplation at the battle fought, and the fact that they had all survived.

It was broken by Zachariah screaming at the top of his lungs.  “What’s up now, troll? HUH?  Fucked your day all to hell, didn’t we?”

Mel and Cathleen both looked at Zach, frowning.  His smile faded.  “What?  We did fuck him up good.”

Mel raised an eyebrow.  “I don’t understand how she hit him.  She was losing and then I moved the shale and she hit.  I don’t get it?”

 Zachariah smiled.  “It’s like you said, the troll uses its hearing to do just about everything.  Well, the only reason Cathleen hadn’t made minced meat of it was because her robin tattoo makes a bunch of chirping noises when she uses it.  She could teleport all day but the troll would have followed her.”

Mel laughed out loud.  “The shale masked the chirp so the troll couldn’t follow her.”

Zachariah clapped in joy.  “And they said I was never going to amount to anything.”

Mel looked confused.  “I don’t understand how this changes that.  Surviving a troll encounter doesn’t exactly help you amount to anything.”

Zachariah’s face dropped.  “Thanks.  Glad I helped you survive.”

Mel shook his head.  “Oh, so you cast the spell that got us out of the pit?”

Zachariah frowned.  “No, but-”

Mel continued.  “In that case, you cast the spell to move the shale?”

Zachariah jabbed his figure down at Mel.  “It was my idea!”

Mel jabbed his finger back at Zachariah.  “I bent reality to make your silly idea happen, long legs!”

“Stop calling me ‘long legs’, you little shit!”  Zachariah replied angrily.  “It’s fucking racist!”

Mel scoffed.  “No, it’s not.  Its prejudice, you infernal twit!  Racism would be if I said something about the color of your skin.”

Zachariah’s eyes narrowed.  “I want to punt you like a football.”

“I want to punch your balls like a timing bag.”  Mel responded, his own eyes narrowing.

Zachariah’s face scrunched up in anger.

In that silence, Cathleen’s weak voice cut the air.  “You shouldn’t have been able to do that.”

They both turned to see the pale Celtic Druid woman standing with wide, lost eyes.  “That was my job…”

Cathleen suddenly fell forward.  Zachariah and Mel watched as she crashed, face first, into the shale.

“Nice catch.”  Mel said to Zachariah, sarcastically.

Zachariah frowned.  “I didn’t see you trying to break her fall.”

Mel frowned at him.  “Don’t be a dick.  I break her fall, I need an E.R.”

Zachariah couldn’t help but smile as they both knelt down and rolled her over.

Mel examined her.  “She’s just got spell exhaustion.  She just needs rest.”

Zachariah nodded back to him.  “Alright, let’s make her comfortable.  I’m gonna see what’s in this cave.  Maybe some firewood so we can warm up.”

Mel nodded.  Both men were soaked and starting to feel the chill in the air as their adrenaline dropped.

Zachariah didn’t know what was waiting for him…

****

Walking around the alcove, a lot of thoughts circled Zachariah’s head.

In the last two hours, he had been kicked by ninjas, kidnapped by a druid, met a dwarf, spell caster and helped kill a rock troll.

Now it was becoming apparent he was supposed to somehow fight a wyvern of some sort.

It had been a lot to process.

One word kept repeating in his head.  “Run.”

He could just go, get the hell away from all of this.  After all, what was a loser like him going to do against a wyvern.  He still hadn’t figured out why they had even chosen a jack ass like him in the first place.

It didn’t really matter though, Zachariah couldn’t run.

He couldn’t run for a slew of reasons, the obvious being that he was in a cave, apparently inhabited by a series of magical creatures that wanted nothing more than to kill, maim, and/or eat him.  Of course, then there was the fact that even if he got through all of that, he was at an undisclosed location in the Canadian wilderness, hundreds of miles from his home.

As compelling as these reasons were, they weren’t what kept Zachariah from running.

He had to find out.

His life had been bullshit and crap up to this point.  His only escape had been the role playing games he passed his time with and the stories he failed to write.  But in the end, life had turned out to be a mundane list of failures, one after the other.

Rockford had been right, and Zachariah hated him for it.

But now, something amazing had dropped into his life and he had the chance to be involved in something truly amazing.

Was life beautiful after all?

Probably not, but maybe it was more fun than he had thought it would be.

It was at this point Zachariah realized he was surrounded by ninjas, having completely lost track of his surroundings during his internal rant.

Zachariah’s shoulders sagged.  “Shit.”

The one female ninja stepped out in front of him.  “You are surrounded.  It is time you surrender.”

Zach seemed to consider this.  “You know what?”

Zach grabbed hold of one of the wet roots he had collected to attempt making a fire, and raised it above his head like a weapon.  “I just killed a fucking rock troll, so I’m feeling pretty damn lucky.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”  The ninja woman said.

“No, no.  I got this.”  Zachariah said, whipping the root back in forth through the air as he spoke.  “Now who wants a piece of my root, eh?  How ‘bout you, Kung Pow?”

Zachariah pointed at one of the ninja.  “You feeling froggy?”

The ninja he pointed at became confused and pointed at himself as if to ask, who me?

“Yeah, you, crab rangoon.”  Zachariah said, stepping up to the randomly selected ninja.  “You look like you want to try to take the title, huh?”

“The title?”  The ninja asked, confused.

“You want a shot at the champ?”  Zachariah asked, sticking his chin into the air as if he were a gangster.

“What are you the champion of?”  The ninja asked.

“Kicking ninja ass.”  Zachariah answered.

“Are you asking me if I would like to become the champion of kicking my own ass?” The ninja asked.

Zachariah seemed to consider this.

The female ninja sighed and shook her head.

“Alright,” Zachariah said.  “The metaphor isn’t air tight, but I think you get what I’m trying to say.”

“I’m sorry.”  The ninja said politely, “I really don’t.”

Zachariah raised his eyebrow.  “Well, let me clear it up.  I am going to kick your ass.”

Zach poked the ninja with the dilapidated root.

In under a second, the ninja snatched the root from Zach and slapped him in the face.

The rest of the ninjas snickered.

“Enough.”  The female ninja said, angrily.  “We didn’t come here to do this.  I came to speak with you, Rognaithe.”

“Fuck that and fuck you!”  Zachariah yelled, rubbing his cheek.  “He pointed at the ninja who had slapped him.  “I want to see him try that shit again!”

The ninja slapped Zachariah.

“Mother fucker!”  Zachariah yelled, grabbing his cheek again.  “How the fuck are you doing that?  Seriously?”

The ninja shrugged and Zachariah turned to Kahn.  “I literally did not see him move.”

Zachariah nodded.  “That is good, I have to admit.  Hen, I’m beat, I’m beat!”

Zachariah extended his hand.  “Okay, shake hands and let’s call it settled.”

The ninja nodded and extended his hand.

Zachariah slapped him.

“Yeah, that’s what you get!  Welcome to Zachariah’s house, bitch!”  Zachariah’s celebration was cut short.

He was unsure as to whether or not the ninja had kicked or punched him, but either way he was hit and everything went black.

Next week:  Zachariah is in the ninja’s hands, now!  What does Kahn have in store for our hero?  Will Cathleen wake up in time to rescue him and, will he want to be rescued if she does?  Did Zach deserve all those slaps (spoiler-he totally did)?

It all continues next week!

Stranger things

TO BE CONTINUED….